Backgrounds & Heart Backgrounds


kau mmgla bodo miza weyh..
asalla ko slalu wat org len isau sal kau...
kan da sendiri susa hati...
da susa ht,,mulela seme benda x jd nk wat
ht x tenang,,
cmnela aku nk wat skg nie..
sumpah susa ht..
sumpah x tenang...
aku benci!aku benci!!benci benci benci benci benci!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
air titik2 nie x nk benti2 plak tu...
 Ya Allah Ya Rabbi,,
bantu aku..='((


kenapa jd mcmnie................

akukah yang bersalah

sad love story~~

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him.
Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…
“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.
“I can’t”
“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment
grabbing me.
“No… I am going to meet a friend…”
He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all.
He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…
Then one day…
Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin…
Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What’s this?
Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… “Wait…”
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…
Me: I don’t need it.
Jin: What….why…
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
“I’m sorry”
He apologized in a tiny voice.
He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!
But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…
Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted…
But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
“Jin, move!”
“Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.
That’s how he went away from me.
That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…
“One…two… three…”
That was how… I started to count the dolls…
“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty
It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…
“I love you~, I love you~”
I dropped the dolls,shocked.
I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
“I love you~ I love you~”
It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach,
that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…
“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…
For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life….


nape ntah..
rase cm x tenang jer..
perlu ker setiap yang aku ade die kutuk??
perlu ker setiap yang aku ader die nk??
perlu ke menghasut2 orang semate2 suh org baik dgn die???
perlu ker die baik dengan seme org yg baik dgn aku??
perlu ker seme tuh??
knape die jeles sgt dgn aku??
knape seme yang aku wat x btul kt mate die??
knape knape knaper??
aku x kisah lau die nk benci aku ker,
nk kutuk ape yg ade pada aku ker
nk pandang aku cm ape ker..
nak ckp bkn2 sal aku ker..
nk gune brg aku x mintak izin ker......
nk seme brg yg aku ade ker...
aku x kisah!!!
aku x kisah ape die nk buat..
tp jgnla..
tolongla jgn amek org yg pling rapat dgn aku..
jgnla amek org yang aku slalu bercerita,,

org yg aku senang bersama

jgn cerita menda2 yang x wujud dengan die..
org lain ramai lg  yg bek dgn ko..
jgnla ko wat mcmnie kt aku..
ape ko dapat dengan wat aku mcm nier??
ko puas ht aku mcmnie??
ko puas ht bile aku tgk korang gmbira2??
ko sedar x..
sepatutnya aku kt tmpt ko..
bkn ko..
jgnla wat mcmnie lg kt aku..
aku tatau ape salah aku kt ko...
sejak ko dtg,,
hidup kiteorg tggang langgang....
pulangkan blik org tu kat aku...
i want her back=(
aku btl2 rindukan die.......
the old her.......
just go away from our life.....................

semane nie ^.-

org ajak p wat outdoor xtvt..
freaking damn nk p...

dieorg ni pun ajk kuar...
cm best gak..
lme x hangout dgn korang....
lau duk umah plak,,
dak2 umah pun nk kuar jugak..
semane nk wat nie...

ase cm berat ht,,
kewangan plak,,,
tau2 jelah hujun2 sem nie..
plak dah tu,,
nk exam,,,,,
seme pun nk kuar...


saya sudah letih,,sudah penat..saya cuma mahu rehat...tolong jgn tambah lg....


akhirnya,,dapat jugak aku blik..
2 mggu mcm la dua bulankan..
windu giler da kt umah nie..
sokmo2 sgt tp dieorg blik,,aku x blik...
kali ni aku nk blik jgk!!
x sabar giler jumpe mereka2 semua...

masalah masalah n masalah

mmg x pernah puas dengan ape yg die ade kan??
da wat mcm2..
tp still komplen mcm2..
org lain pun ade kehidupan dan urusan sendiri..
x bolehla nk tgk je awk tu..
bknnye org lain x keja..
tp btllah,,
mmg awk dr dulu x nampak kebaikan2 yg kami buat,,
yg awk nampak keburukan kami jer...
x pelah,,
kami sedar,,
kami x sebagus dia..
adik2 sy pun,,
x sepandai n seberjaya dia..
tp x pe..
kami juga mampu berjaya n jadi manusia..

umi abh,,
kakak tahu..
ape yg umi abh rase skrg..
be strong because we love you will all our heart..!!
lege ase da lepas seme2 amali...
seme sekali ok..
even memule tu cm susa n teragak2 sbb tkut lupakan,,
tp voleh gak wat dengan baik,..
mkn lame,,
makn aku senang dgn dak2 kelas ;)
even letih,,
tp dieorg still support msg2..
wah suke2!

skg cme tggl BIGn Final..
hope seme pun ok..

still letih even da dua hari berlalu=P

mse tggu turn tuk pa
kami berjaya melakukannya dalam ms setengah jam jer=)

lamenye lg nk giliran aku...

habis semua amali..

i swear to you an everything i am 
and i
dedicate to youall that i have
and i
promise you that i will
stand right by yourside
forever and always until te day i die

i swear too; ) 


cepat je masa berlalu..
pejam celik pejam celik,,,
da hbs da UAK aku..
esaimen pun da tinggal skit lg...
cme get prepare tuk final jer..
hopefully i'll be well prepared...

abis UAK math,,nak UAK bm,,,
dapat tau satu bite yg x best langsung...
hmm..sebabkan bite tu..
aku mimpi bnda ngarut2..
ya allah,, kuatkan aku dalam menghadapi ujianmu ini..
aku nak kuat..
aku nk tabah..
aku x nk nangis2 lg...
aku betul2 nak..

Go Girl!


aku rindu.......
tp mgkin cuma aku....
aku x mampu...
aku harap kau pun ridu..
aku harap kau sama mcm aku.......
aku betul2 rindu....
kuatkan aku....
moga dia sama seperti aku...
perasaan yang tak pernah berubah..
tp mkn bertambah setiap hari........

petang ini dan kisahnye...

da lame x p jog..
td ptg g jog..
dengan muni...
ms tgh2 jog tu..
ade la org herbalife yg cek2 berat org uh..
so aku dengan muke x malunye,,p la timbang jgk...
berat aku 58..
mindset and target form today,
turunkan sampai 50 kilo dalam tempoh 2 bulan..

ni yg kene kurangkan,,
nasi, gula,manis2, karbohidrat n seme benda yg leyh naikkan badan..

n kene tambah...
ttpkan sarapan..

GoodLuck deaR=)